February 2004

Vol. 19, No. 2   What's this?

DooDoo Redux

from the February, 2004 issue of Undercurrent  

Dear Ben,

I just finished the report in the October issue of Undercurrent about Dive Makai and their headless boat. My wife and I are longtime Dive Makai customers, and it doesn't bother us because it's more than made up for by their world-class dive guiding. But I'm writing because I have a report to go with your article "Deep Doo Doo."

An unnamed dive guide on a boat in Hawaii had to make an emergency exit from their headless boat to take care of restless bowels while the customers were down below diving. She swam a little way on the other side of the boat from the divers, dropped bottom, and proceeded about her business. In seconds she was surrounded by hungry fish. She noticed something larger down below, and when she took a good look down, she saw a large tiger shark looking back. This, of course, made the rest of her evacuation automatic, and all she could think was "Great! Here I am, a main course surrounded by hors d'oeuvres and a tasty sauce." She raced back to the boat; the shark followed, watched her clamber out, and then left.

When the divers came back up, they complained about a boring dive. The now-empty dive guide just sat in the boat trembling slightly, too embarrassed to tell anyone about her recent nonboring experience. (The dive guide told me this story personally, and since she's not inclined to stories or exaggeration, I believe her.)

- Mike Boom
Oakland, CA

Dear Ben,

While reading "Deep Doo Doo," it reminded me of when I was diving with Ed Robinson in Maui years ago. We were about to dive when the unstoppable urge came, and Ed said just jump in by the back of the boat and you're good to go. I donned my mask and jumped in. The water was gin clear as I watched the egg McMuffins expelled into the drink. Then an army of reef fish attacked, gobbling up the treat and turning the crystal clear water into a turbulent churn of waste matter. As I could feel the fish nibbling around my body I grabbed hold of my Sicilian appendage and galunies for dear life. After swimming franticly away from the frenzy while holding on to the family jewels, I reached clear water, rubbed myself clean, and returned to the boat to have a wonderful multi-moray eel dive on Molokini Crater.

Be bright and eat light.

- T Gandolfo
Provincetown, MA